HIS HEAVINESS
His Heaviness climbed onto the platform
and looked around in satisfaction. There was a crowd down there to listen to
his brilliant campaign speeches on behalf of (AtoZ) party. He had a reputation
as a good crowd puller. The crowd was literally pulled there in lorries and
bullock carts. The cheap liquor bottles enticed the simple men folk and the
lure of currency attracted the women.
“Friends
and dear countrymen,” started His Heaviness, “If I win this election, I will
enact law to protect all single women” he said with emotion and banged the
table so hard that a flying missile took off from the table and hit a single
woman in the front row who ran away, terrified.
“I
will root out poverty”, he shouted, “ and—er—and weed out corruption”, he
added, after an uneasy glance at the currency pile kept in a corner, to be
distributed after the meeting.
A
farmer from the subbest of suburbs hadn’t heard of these and looked inquiringly
at his friend. “Poverty comes in roots and corruption in weeds”, whispered the
latter in his neighbor’s ears, who nodded grimly.
His
Heaviness was obviously not pleased with the lukewarm response he got for such
an important announcement. He decided to announce his noble intention with
greater vigor.
“
Yes, I mean it. I will destroy both!”, he declared at the top of his voice and
glared so menacingly that a stray dog which was standing nearby yelped loudly
and ran away, tail between its legs. The organizers of the meeting were
thrilled at their leader’s eloquence. Neither leader nor organizers however
noticed that the crowd had started thinning down rapidly.
The
crowd pullers, had in spite of their zeal and devotion overlooked something
very very important in this part of the country---- A big cine hero’s movie was
scheduled for the day in a nearby theatre. Not all the king’s men could retain
a crowd under such circumstances!
As
the leader, still unaware of his displaced audience went on and on, the stray dog
that had been frightened out of his own locality came back with friends and
well wishers to settle scores. Hostilities began soon thereafter in the form of
group barking and teeth baring and the poor leader of the masses was forced to
hop onto a high chair - - - an astounding feat for a man of his circumference!
The
masses had already deserted him except for the organizers and the sentry on
duty.
His
Heaviness appealed to the security guards to save him from the canine fury. The
guards looked guardedly at their chief. The chief immediately consulted his
rule book to see whether saving from animal attack was part of his assigned
duty. On failing to get a clear picture, he moved a note to his superiors
asking for special permission to rescue the leader from the misguided canines.
In
the meantime, the dogs soon got bored with the whole affair and called a
conference. They appointed a watchdog from among themselves to keep an eye on
the hapless stool-squatter and soon dozed off.
His
Heaviness who never missed an opportunity now tried to get off the stool but
was strongly discouraged by the sincere watchdog, which emitted a low
deep-throated growl, by way of warning. Thus frustrated and also angered at the
turn of events, His Heaviness spat venom on the organizers. Turning on his full
eloquence, he abused the poor organizers in the juiciest terms taken from
seventeen languages. Even the street-smart dogs (which were wide awake by now)
blushed and covering their ears with their forelegs ,left shamefaced.
Seeing this
canine retreat, His Heaviness laughed jubilantly, and forgetting himself in the
excitement, jumped onto the platform and went straight through it into the mud
below. After they excavated him, he came back to business immediately and
ordered his henchmen to produce a crowd immediately—or else!
Luckily
for the organizers, a local ‘arranger’ suddenly turned up and assured he would
arrange a respectable gathering in twelve winks for a price.
All’s
well when crowds swell. The arranger was very efficient and kept his word. Soon
a sizable crowd consisting of no-nonsense people who couldn’t be diverted
easily by cine heroes gathered to hear His Heaviness who beamed at them
happily.
He
cleared his throat and started addressing the gathering, “Friends ---
Comments
Post a comment