WHO IS THE REAL ME?
I hope I do not mislead readers into
thinking that this is an article on a spiritual matter…there are many Great
Gurus for that…who write and talk about the Inner Self, the Real Self etc. Also
I do not pretend to lay claims to any great psychological insight in the lines
that follow.
These are my own thoughts…those of an
ordinary individual past his middle age, who is fond of observing life and the
living. But I am quite hopeful that at least some of you will agree with the
things I am going to say.
· OPINION ABOUT OTHERS:
Most among us are quick to form
opinions about other people’s attitudes, mannerisms and behavior in general,
aren’t we? We love to engage in this pastime either singly, or in groups. We
can be quite merciless too when we form or create such images of others. Though
we have been exhorted to ‘judge not’, we do that all the time.
Over a period of time, these ‘images’
or perceptions of our friends, foes or relatives crystallize and lo! We claim
that we ‘know’ him or her very well.
Thus, in any society, we define a
person as miserly, someone else as eccentric, and another as greedy…and so on.
Often a single adjective suffices to describe an entire human in the circles in
which the individual moves. Of course we can also be quite generous with some
others when we attribute many positive qualities to them and even fit some
among them with sagely halos.
How fallacious! That poor person whom
we claim to know and whom we define has not evolved painfully over many
Darwinian generations to be judged, classified and filed away in society’s
image cabinets so casually. In reality can anyone be ‘known’ so accurately even
after several years of close association? Many facets of a person’s total
personality remain elusive in casual friendships and even sometimes in more
intimate relationships. As we have all experienced sometime or the other, there
can be surprising or unexpected behavior even from people whom we might have
known for several years.
Often, unfortunately, such surprises-
if unpleasant- can lead to ruptured relationships.
· KNOWING ONESELF:
That in turn leads me finally to another
soul-searcher question… How much in fact do we know about ourselves?
The gut reaction to this question
would be “Of course I know myself…I am like this… like that, and so on. But do others agree with this self perception?
Aah…There we have a problem, don’t
we? Of course, what everyone does have is a self image of oneself as he
perceives others to think about him. Alas, if it is put to comparison with the
corresponding file images of society, results could be quite different,
sometimes disastrous.
Complicated, isn’t it? I could help by
complicating further when I add, as you already know, that each one of us has
not one,
but multiple
images in society other than the self-perceived one. Images formed by the
spouse, the mother, the boss, the friend, the sibling etc could all be
different from each other as also from the self-perceived image.
The images formed about us by others
are based primarily on how we act or behave in various situations. Since our
response to the same stimulus varies depending on the place, occasion or person,
it follows that the images too will be different. That also would explain why
the same person is a hero to some, an ordinary person to others, and probably
even a villain to others.
Then who is the real person behind
all these images? Again I am not referring to the Self of the Spiritualist but
only to the ordinary self. Knowing one’s true nature to any reasonable extent
is possible only by self…if one is prepared to look inside oneself with the
torch of awareness…and honestly acknowledge things as observed…both the angelic
and the not-so-angelic qualities.
· ACKNOWLEDGING TO ONESELF WHAT IS
OBSERVED:
Easy, is it? Think again.
Imagine you have an uneasy feeling after
seeing someone. He would be a person you instinctively dislike for some reason.
But your conscious mind may not be aware of the reason for your sudden
moodiness when you spot him. If you probe in your mind for the reason, it is
there…His mere presence has affected you by causing some negative vibes. But
then how often do we acknowledge such feelings even to ourselves? Dislike for
no reason?, hatred? “No no, I can’t be like that!”
“Do I feel envious on seeing a friend’s latest
model car? No, no…not me. I am not a jealous person!”
“Do I feel attracted to that person…Certainly
not, I can’t be a sinner!”
What happens is that our puritanical
sense of right and wrong kicks in and we get shocked when we try to confront
our real feelings. But then they are only feelings and they are
there, whether you accept them or not. Feelings or thoughts do not come and go
at your behest. They are always there whether you are a sinner or a saint. They
are as much a part of nature as the cold, heat or wind. You can ask your child
not to go out in the cold. You cannot issue an ultimatum that she should not feel the cold! Similarly there should not be any harm in
just recognizing those feelings without actually acting upon them.
Needless to say, one should not act
based on the negative feelings in us. But one can benefit by an inner honesty
where we boldly confront ourselves as we are. Yogis say that even the mere act
of recognizing or observing certain undesirable feelings or thoughts can help
get rid of them. Also, many psychologists have discussed the danger of these
pent up emotions bursting the dam of tolerance if left unnoticed for long.
How can we apply the balm of our
acquired wisdom to alleviate these miseries if we are not even aware of them?
As it has been said by the wise, the
courageous man also experiences fear when facing a dangerous situation. The
difference between the brave and the cowardly is simply that the former has
learnt to deal with his fears. The same logic can be extended to the man who is
labeled ‘good’ versus the man labeled ‘bad’. The good man has probably learnt
better to apply the appropriate controls in the journey of life- to avoid
mishaps.
Except for that difference, it may be
well said that every one of us is on a journey, the goal being the same. We are
at different stages, that’s all.
What do you say?
I request readers to give their
valuable opinion on the above article.
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