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CALL AND LIVE



After pondering for a long time, Azad decided to make the call to the suicide prevention center,before taking the final step-There was nothing to lose anyway.

With gun in one hand and a suicide slip in the other, he dialed.

An electronic voice immediately came on line:

“Hi! Thank you for calling Self-Destruct Prevent Center.”

“ Press one if you plan to use poison, two for gun, three for knife, four for drowning…”

Amused at this, Azad pressed two.

“Press one if you are neurotic, two if psychotic, three if bi-polar, four if OCD……”

Slightly irritated, Azad continued by selecting an option.

“Press one if gay, two if bisexual, three if transvestite and four if none of above…”

So on it went till finally a human voice came online, “Good morning, sir, how may I hinder you?”

“You have hindered me sufficiently already… I am now toying with the idea of homicide!”

“Glad to have been of help, sir. Unfortunately, homicide is not our specialty, sir.”

                            

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THE LOCKED ROOM

Govindan was facing the problem of plenty.
A very large ancestral house.
Relations of all hues- in dozens-living as a disjointed joint family, of which he was supposedly the head.
Huge quantity of valuables, including cash and jewellery-which he found hard to safe guard from the greedy cockroaches calling themselves his relatives. Try as he might, he could not dislodge a single one among these detested people for fear of offending either a brother, a sister, mother or his wife.
He tried hiding the stash at different places in his ancient thirty-two roomed bungalow and changing places every few days… but was shit scared that someone or other would find out.
Thus, among plenty of other things, he had plenty of angst also.
One day, Govindan got a flashy idea after watching a Malayalam movie about a haunted room in a large house like his.

(UN)GAINFUL RAIN

Ah! It’s started to beautifully rain, So it’s time for me to feign, An infection, cold or any pain, A day off, with sympathy to gain.
But alas! spousey says, ‘Off to work! You lazy, cunning little jerk, Calling in sick to watch buxom ladies twerk, Watching your lusty channels, with a daylong smirk.’
But when she says, ‘If you still be insisting, I will rope you in for housekeeping,' I look out, sigh, ‘The rain, it seems, has stopped, My leave plan for today is hence dropped.’





THE PAINTED VASE

Returning home from work that day, the first thing that grabbed my attention was the painted vase sitting prettily on a side table in the hall.
“Mynah!” shouted I, addressing my eleven year old daughter, “How did this come here?”
“Som bought it for me,” said she, quite simply, leaving me dumbfounded.
“Som!”
“But you hate him!” I said, referring to my new boyfriend whom she detested.
Som had come into my life recently, two years after Mynah’s dad died in a freak accident. He was only 40 then- I was 38.
Mynah shrugged and said, “But he likes me, it appears. That’s why he got it when I told him you refused to get it for me.”
I was left still wondering at the turn of events as her tantrums on seeing him were still fresh in my memory.
Two days later, Som came home during the weekend. He too merely shrugged when I complimented him on winning over Mynah. “Girls like things. You can keep them happy by indulging in these simple things.”
I really hope it stays that way, I thought, hoping to marry Som …