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SIXTEEN CARDINAL RULES FOR ACCORDING VALUE TO ANY RELATIONSHIP-PART 2

Out of sixteen cardinal rules for demonstrating value for any relationship, I discussed six in my last post, which was part-1 of this article. With your kind permission, may I now present the next four rules as part-2 of this article.

Again, I would gently remind the readers that by relationship, I mean any kind, not only the romantic variety.

7. CRITICIZE NOT PERSONS DEAR TO THEM.

You may worship your maternal aunt, but detest her husband, your uncle. There might be a dozen reasons for this, but the rule to be kept in mind here is to maintain a stoic silence about it. Quite possibly, you may not be able to enjoy your aunt’s company exclusively without the detested guy barging in. But it is just one of the facts of life faced by almost everyone in relationships.

If you try to cozy up to one avoiding the other, it is going to become obvious to the concerned people quite soon. This is going to strain your valued relationship with the aunty. It can get much worse much faster if you express your dislike of this uncle.

8.GIFT THEM SOMETHING THEY LOVE.

No doubt, your first thought is ‘What’s so great about this point?’
It is not always as easy as it appears. If you read again carefully, I said ‘Gift them something they love.’

Now if you pause awhile to analyze the type of gifts you have been receiving on various occasions, you will realize the importance of this point.

Most gifts are given by way of just a social gesture and not with application of any serious forethought. I said most because there are exceptions where the gift giver applies her mind awhile to see what would be most useful and liked by the recipient. Others just see whether the gift is appropriate to the occasion.

So, if you value this relation, wouldn’t you agree that you should do a little thinking and gift them something they would love to have.

 9.LIKE THEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

Now this one is so obviously easy and doesn’t really need elaboration. If your people are on any social media, they would really appreciate a simple recognition on their timeline.

10.NEVER GIVE UNSOLICITED ADVICE.

Our nature is such that we try to give quick fix solutions to the problems posed to us by people close to us, with the best of intentions. Sadly, we don’t realize that more often than not, the person is just looking for a shoulder to cry on. What we offer as solutions are, except in rare cases, very common sense solutions, like ‘Take her to a specialist… get a second opinion…’and so on.

The downside of such uncalled for advice- if pursued too vigorously-is that friction is likely to develop, especially when the advice is unheeded or ignored. The other party also might start nursing resentment over this unwarranted intrusion.
Hence, it is always prudent to ask first whether any kind of help is required.




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Returning home from work that day, the first thing that grabbed my attention was the painted vase sitting prettily on a side table in the hall.
“Mynah!” shouted I, addressing my eleven year old daughter, “How did this come here?”
“Som bought it for me,” said she, quite simply, leaving me dumbfounded.
“Som!”
“But you hate him!” I said, referring to my new boyfriend whom she detested.
Som had come into my life recently, two years after Mynah’s dad died in a freak accident. He was only 40 then- I was 38.
Mynah shrugged and said, “But he likes me, it appears. That’s why he got it when I told him you refused to get it for me.”
I was left still wondering at the turn of events as her tantrums on seeing him were still fresh in my memory.
Two days later, Som came home during the weekend. He too merely shrugged when I complimented him on winning over Mynah. “Girls like things. You can keep them happy by indulging in these simple things.”
I really hope it stays that way, I thought, hoping to marry Som …