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TOP THREE DEVIANT STRATEGIES TO PLEASE YOUR BOSS



During my long innings in a steel mill, I had the opportunity to be a subordinate as well as a mini boss to many people in the hierarchy. I have keen interest in human nature and used to observe behavior of people in various roles like worker, union leader, boss or subordinate. The fact that most bosses were also subordinates rendered the study of their dual roles more interesting. The golden rule of Jesus, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” was rarely, if at all, followed by these leaders when dealing with their own subordinates.

However, the objective of this article is to highlight a few common behavioral patterns of some of the employees who were ascending the corporate ladder at a pace disproportionate to their skills and capabilities at work. 

Though this is written in a lighter vein and not recommended as an alternative to smart/hard work, the strategies mentioned are from real life observation and have arguably contributed to the not-so-deserving person’s corporate climb.

·       SYNCHRONIZE YOUR TIMINGS WITH BOSS’S.
 This works wonders! While the rest of us used to follow the company timings, these clever guys followed their boss’s schedule.

There was this guy who used to disappear (mostly home-bound) during peak working hours, like from 12 noon to 4 pm. Then he would surface as mysteriously as he disappeared, when the rest of us day-shifters were packing up for the day.

His objective was however, not so mysterious…he simply wanted to be visible to his boss when the latter came on his late evening rounds to the mill to supervise the evening shift production. Some of my evening shift colleagues reportedly even saw him deliberately applying a little grease to his face, for special effects!

Invariably he used to get a special pat from big boss who was certain to remember his long hours at work in comparison with our scheduled exit!

·       GET JUICY GOSSIP FOR BOSS, AGAINST HIS ENEMY.

Now this one is a bit tricky and can be practiced only by the very crafty among us.

But I have seen for myself with reluctant admiration one such quick-climber in this delicate activity. At first neither I nor others could make out his intentions when we saw him whispering in the boss’s ears. When his habit persisted with some other biggies too, we became curious. Later, we came to know that he had the habit of bad mouthing certain other senior but less important officers, who were known rivals of his boss.

Believe me, many of this otherwise intelligent bosses are generally suckers for this ‘us –versus- them’ drama!

·       EAT WELL, FEED WELL, DURING FESTIVALS.

This is by large the easiest method to follow- of the three- especially in India with its multitude of festivals. Relatively more subordinates resort to inviting their bosses over for Diwali, Onam, Christmas and other festivals, where they eat, drink and make the bosses merry.

But I must hasten to add, in this context, that all people involved in this hospitality are not motivated by a desire to please the boss and gain undue advantage- some are genuinely very warm and hospitable and include other less important friends too in their invitation list.

As mentioned before, none of the above strategies is recommended as an alternative to effective and fruitful working. Also it doesn’t cut ice with intelligent, discerning bosses who can tell the chaff from the grain.

But then dumbos are there among bosses too!

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LINGUA-WOES

A Tamil gentleman nearly got clobbered when he appreciated the food served for lunch at his Telugu friend’s place.

The poor guy innocently said ‘Pramadham’ which means ‘Excellent’ in Tamil, but unfortunately means ‘Danger’ in Telugu!

‘Tamasha’ means ‘light stuff’, ‘Comedy’ etc in Malayalam, but beware if you use it flippantly with the Hindi speaking people.

Indiscreet use of this word- which means a street dance or something in Hindi- is not received kindly by them.

The simple word ‘Avasar’- which also is a Sanskrit root word- means ‘Occasion’ in Hindi; ‘Avasaram’ means ‘Requirement’ in Telugu; ‘Opportunity’ in Malayalam and ‘Hurry’ in Tamil!

There must of course be several such examples in the various languages ‘spooken’ in our delightful India.




RIGHT WRONG

Seeing her eyes glow in excitement,
Obviously though she has it all wrong,
I rush to grab the correction opportunity,

Till I have another look at the gleam in her eyes.

Hell, I think, let me be wrong a hundred times over,
If only to preserve that glorious joy,

Rather than prove her wrong
And watch her enthusiasm wither.

THULABARAM

There is, in the Lord's Abode in Guruvayoor,
A common balance for weighment of offerings.

It's called Thulabaram.

Only, it is anything but common.

A priest there is entrusted the task
Of weighing the offerings you committed
To Lord Krishna.

It may be a few kilos of some vegetable
Or fruit, grains or sugar or what you will.


But it got to be necessarily what you committed!

For,

Have seen with my own eyes
The priest struggling to weigh
A couple of kilos or maybe three
Of a certain vegetable, think it was yam.

But it simply wouldn't balance, though he
Kept on heaping the yam on it!

Then, on the priest's asking,
The devotee said he had thought
Of a different vegetable, maybe raw banana,

But had settled for yam since he couldn't
Get the banana.

The priest quickly removed the yam
Asked the devotee to be back
With the vegetable committed!

Only then, the priest said with conviction,

The weighment would happen.