Human relationships are complex, though outwardly sometimes they appear simple. And among all the others, you will agree that the relationship with your teenager is probably the trickiest and needs constant attention to detail.
Often the most sincere efforts on the part of the parents can be frustrating when dealing with the teens simply because their hormones are in a carnival mood at that age. This could translate into a widening gulf between expectations and fulfillment-both ways.
While it is difficult to put forward a magical, ‘one size fits all’ formula, this article aims at alerting loving parents about certain potholes to avoid on the relationship road. Like potholes on the road, these can cause damage to your valuable equation with your beloved children.
· DO NOT OBJECTIFY:
Your children are separate entities with their own individuality. However much you love or adore them, they are not objects or pets to be owned. Respect their unique identity in every dealing with them.
Remember Khalil Gibran’s beautiful lines in this regard.
“They come through you and not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
· DO NOT SNOOP:
This is a tricky one because parents are sorely tempted to pry secretly into their teen’s affairs, often with compelling reasons to do so. But it could be disastrous for the relationship and for the teen’s trust in you. If there are unavoidable reasons- like the teenager is likely to land in trouble- then do so with great discretion.
· BEAT NOT YOUR OWN DRUMS:
In desperate moments, when the teen is perceived to be ‘ungrateful’ it is quite understandable for the harried parent to reel off what all have been done for the ungrateful fellow!
NEVER DO THIS!
In the first place, your intelligent teenager knows as well as you do, that it is your bounden duty as a parent to do all those great things. Secondly, constantly thrusting this home might end up making him or her more resentful.
· NEVER DO EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL:
I would rate this as the single most dangerous pothole, of the four in this article. Trying to get them to do things...for my sake…if you love me…blah blah blah may indeed serve the immediate objective if done efficiently, but may alienate the teenager with equal efficiency.
Obviously these are not the only factors in this valuable but ‘thin ice’ relationship.
Nevertheless, they too are important too, aren’t they?